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13 November 2009 @ 11:42 am
let me get my groove back..  

ok so.

i have more bills than i do money right now. and i am absolutely stressed. i have to borrow from my dad to pay my gas + electric.. and i have to pay car insurance, renter's insurance, my car note, rent and cable along with that. plus daddy has to pay his probation crap + he still owes quite a nice chunk of money. it's so stressful. i mean, i am like uber stressed. like, needing a klonopin stressed.

although on a lighter note.. i just called the YMCA in portage (which is very close to where i'm going to go for my ED treatment) and it sounds like they might be able to help me.. and just praise God if they can.. i really think exercise is the key because even if i do binge.. i need to keep my heart healthy and my body needs to stay in a good condition, plus i really think i can sometimes burn off the calories from my binges.. maybe that's my sickness talking.. but to be able to go on the treadmill, and the bikes, and to be able to walk/jog again.. and even, dare i say it, sit in the sauna or swim.. these are things that can help me a great deal.. and especially because people at the Y don't get turned away if they can't afford $40/month which i'm sorry but right now.. i can not afford that.

it sucks not having money. eating junk is cheaper than eating healthy. most places that specialize in ED don't accept medicaid. people who can't afford a gym membership can't work out. a 24 pack of pop goes on sale.. but a 24 pack of water hardly ever is discounted. if i would have had money, i would already be in treatment.. and it just frustrated me. UGH!

today i have to go grovel at my dad's feet for money to help me with my bills. and i hate doing that. but i'd rather owe my father, than have to worry about getting stuff shut off. which i would like to add.. that this is my first year living on my own. and i have not gotten anything shut off. so clearly i am doing my thing. but i don't wanna lose momentum.. so that's why even though i hate the idea of it.. i gotta borrow from my dad. and just ugh to that.

i think tonight i will roast a chicken. with brussel sprouts and some rice or potatoes. not really a friday night kinda dinner. but i think it sounds incredible.

so.. have a good day my beautiful LJ homegirls


Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: chris brown feat. lil wayne 'i can transform you'