i try very hard to not be
it's funny though. you don't see any PRO binge eating/compulsive overeating communities. probably because people like that (like me) think of food as our best friend and our worst enemy. i HATE food. but i know i have to have it to live. and i won't fast. and i won't count calories and freak out over eight M&Ms. it's like.. try eating a dozen donuts and a whole pizza and then cry to me about feeling disgusting. like i said.. normally i don't judge but this is MY journal and i feel like i need to rant. seeing those sites only make me feel worse about myself and therefore is a trigger to me.
i didn't do badly today. i ate three meals.. and although i did eat like eight handfuls of cereal (but it was shredded wheat) and had another piece of pie.. i also haven't binged like i can binge. i've been drinking way more pop than i should.. and
also.. i have a pressing question. i feel as though i should be accountable to someone. and a lot of the people i've talked to have said they did that much better with a sponsor. so maybe i can find an LJ person to make myself accountable to.. so if any of my new-found friends would be interested, and are in a good place with their own recovery.. message me if you would want to be my sponsor.
my doctor told me not to count calories, so i know i can't do that. the only thing i can do is try to be accountable for what i do eat.. and to try and fight through my binge-cravings. and it's SO ungodly hard. i have NO power against an inanimate objest. and that makes me feel so small. and so weak.
however my outlook is positive. i think i'm going to go do some on-demand exercise for about a half hour or so. i always feel SO good after i've exercised.
p.s. medicaid should totally pay for people with BED/CED to go to the gym. in the winter it's so hard to motivate myself to go out and walk. it'd be so nice to go to the local gym and walk around their track or ride the bikes or swim or SIT IN THE SAUNA FOR HOURS (but that's my anorexic mindset talking.. i won't do that for real.)
so to my new LJ friends.. please comment if you have any suggestions for this ED stuff.. any ideas for healing, for controlling the eating.. anything. thank you in advance and <3
Current Mood: irritated